Self-Doubt is the mindset that restricts many aspects of your life
William Shakespeare is reported to have said this: “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we often might win, by fearing to attempt.”
You are often in a fight with your thoughts – that voice in your head that ramps up your self-doubt.
What if you don’t succeed? What will others think of you? You’re not as educated; and as a result may not be able to secure that job?
It doesn’t matter what you do you’ll never be able to escape self-doubt. It will follow you wherever you go, because it’s birthed in your mind. It is a part of the human experience and a mindset that prevents you from achieving what you want. The goal is to find a way to address it and learning how to deal with the uncertainty it creates.
I have seen many people giving up and never accomplishing or reaching the true potential because they allow doubt to undermine and control them.
What Fuels Self-Doubt
The fear of failure, rejection, and making errors and disappointment. As a result of your fear you make excuses for being unable to do things you have to do. Self-doubt isn’t foreign, it’s part of the human experience. Those things that leads you to question your beliefs, thoughts, decisions, etc… can lead to self-doubt.
Self-doubt induces a feeling that you’re not stable and causes you to question your own competence and confidence. When self-doubt becomes overwhelming for you, that’s when you may need more tools to overcome self-doubt.
How Do You Address Self-Doubt
Self-doubt, like so many negative emotions is a very unsettling experience you often deal with in conscious or unconscious ways. On the other hand, you can learn and grow through this experience by alleviating self-doubt and fear through the habit of being compassionate to yourselves no what the end result is. Avoid focusing on the past and remind yourself of those times when things have gone the right way because similar things can repeat itself.
Additionally, try not to compare yourself with others and be mindful of your thoughts. It is said that comparison is the thief of joy. This is an absolute truth. So when you are experiencing self-doubt because you fear not accomplishing something try not to control what you cannot and remain focus on what you want to achieve regardless of what is happening around you.
The thought process of self-doubt is very problematic. Do what you believe is right according to your core values and refrain from questioning your motives. Search for your truth inside you to get exactly what you feel and need in your life and do not be swayed by yourself or what others think of you. Remember everything takes time, so be good to yourself.
“Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself. Believe in yourself, your abilities and your own potential. Never let self-doubt hold you captive. You are worthy of all that you dream of and hope for.”
Life is full of obstacles. And sometimes getting through these obstacles can be very tough and takes a lot of faith, positivity and will power. Faith, because it helps us to trust with our whole being, and that things will be taken cared of. Positivity and will-power because the former reflects that in positive thinking we are aided when frustrated; and our health and well-being and overall outlook on life are complete. The latter, because it gives us the ability to respond to our troubles with the knowledge that no matter what we’ll strive for what we want to acquire.
I’m not an expert, but I consider myself someone, like many others who have had their share of life’s uncertainties. Regardless, I’ve remained centered and never choose to give in – I lived through it. These are useful information I’ve used to manage through.
So whether it’s job loses, financial struggles, natural disaster or health issues or a broken heart the way we respond to these challenges shape our lives and who we are. These are issues that threatens the inner most part of our being. At times we’ll think we are unable to get through them but we have what it takes to do so if we only look deep down inside us.
Some of these issues, we get through them. On the other had, we don’t do so so well. The lesson here is that getting through challenging times is not about the problem, but our outlook and the plan of action implemented.
Clear Your Mind
What do you do when you are feeling stuck, frustrated, your judgement is clouded and can’t seem to focused.
Meditate. We often tell ourselves that we do not have time to take a break. But meditation will bring about more clarity and productivity. When your mind is clear you re able to focus and generate new ideas. So, take some time to work on your thoughts and ease the tension and stress you are experiencing.
Shift Your Paradigm
What does this mean?
According to the online Merriman Webster a paradigm is an important change that occurs when your usual way of thinking about or doing something supersedes by a new and different way. An example of paradigm shift is evolution or the replacement of old beliefs with new ones based on technological or cultural factors.
How does this applies to you?
Paradigms are powerful in our lives. They make us more effective when we become more aligned. This can only occur when we look at things objectively.
Here is a simple way to shift your paradigm as it relates to your issues.
Think about what is happening in your life that you want to change and the attitude that is effecting that negative result.
Write them down in details.
Ask yourself what new habit or behaviour you would like to adopt, and make a note of them.
Frequently practice the new habit you would like to adopt and allow the idea to stay in your mind.
As long as it is planted and nurtured it will take away the negative habits as the latter is no longer being nourished. This practice is worthwhile and will take dedication. Changing your paradigm opens new opportunities for personal growth and success.
Tough times aren’t an identity. It’s temporary. Everyone experience tough times at some point in their life.
Tough times don’t last. Tough people do.
Control What’s Happening Around You
What happens when you are unable to control what’s happening around you? Your environment can influence your behaviour and demotivates you. Loud noises, large crowds, even at work the environment can be overwhelming and can increase your stress and eventually affect your mental health. Therefore, understanding what’s happening around you plays a vital role in your mental health.
Simultaneously, you will also have to recognize what you are required to change and make adjustment related to what is happening around you.
For instance, if you dwell in a household where other family members are at always at odds with you or worst, a toxic family. You might want to consider checking out in order to create a healthier environment for yourself. One where you can flourished and focus.
I am unable to focus in an environment that’s noisy, music, human drama etc. – recipe for a chaotic environment.
I am alarm at how some folks I am familiar with are UNABLE to focus WITHOUT music. My environment plays an important role when it comes to my feelings and behaviour.
Create a healthy environment that is essential to your entire well-being.
Focus on Solutions
There was a time in my life when I encountered issues – all I could do was worry. And guess what? I never worked on it because I had no clue what to do. Do you know what I did? Nothing. I let the season pass. No wonder they kept repeating themselves. This kind of attitude has proven to be very unhealthy as it pertains to your mental well-being. How disastrous.
Looking back, things have changed a lot. I consider myself a giant because I’ve learned how to deal with these savage moments life throws at me.
Here’s how I learned to deal with them.
Identify The Problem
Identify what is causing the problem. This is important because it becomes easier to solve which means saving time. Some issues are complex because of the many contributing factors. To find an ideal solution it’s important to dedicate as much time analyzing the issue/s. “Dive” below the surface to unearth patterns and clues.
Brainstorm to Generate Ideas For Solutions
After you identify the issue/s, brainstorm ideas to generate a solution. This will enable you to expand on a number of ideas beyond your regular thinking. When your thinking is expanded it increases your perspective.
Choose A Solution That Will Work For You
After brainstorming, select one that will work for you. Weigh the pros and cons; consider all the possibilities and implement the solution..
Use The One You Choose As a Trial Solution
This approach involves testing out a particular solution to figure out whether it’s going to work or not. Evaluate and if it doesn’t work, restart.
The last step in the process. After you implement monitor or follow up solutions ensuring that thesolutions are sufficient and feasible.
Decisions making are important . And when you encounter problem don’t try to solve them with another problem, be patient and stay positive. Take a step back and think clearly. This is easier said than done, but facing them is important and it is the greatest thing you can give yourself. In the end you’ll see that worrying only multiplies your problems. When you find the solutions you’ll recognize that it was always ahead of you.
The Way to Self-Improvement Is to Work On Yourself
Why do you want to refine your life? Is there something that is motivating you to do so? What is it?
Perchance you want to learn a new language, start a business, improve your relationships or to balance your life.
It is never easy to rewire yourselves. Changing perceptions, habits, unlearning what we thought was right and acceptable, or getting rid of what’s not working for us. It takes courage and strength to venture into discomfort and unknown zones.
Some days you’ll feel like quitting. Heck! You may even feel like what you’re doing isn’t making sense and question your ability to achieve your plans.
Don’t think too much.
Never underestimate yourself. Aim high enough to arrive alive and as a winner. “Be hungry” enough to strive for what you want to accomplish. This thing call determination will get you anywhere you want. “Fight” for it, and be relentless and unstoppable in your pursuits.
Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries come and go. And many of you focused on giving to others. While that in itself isn’t a bad gesture, I’d like to tell you of the greatest gift you can give yourself.
…to be the best version of yourself.
Allow yourself to radiate unashamedly and endlessly.
You are worthy of it. You are important. Don’t waste your time on earth. It is too precious. And you don’t need to prove your worth or how much you matter to anyone. Show them.
Work on yourself. By yourself. For yourself.
If you don’t plan your life someone else will, and guess what? It’s nothing special.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on my life. And I realized although I’ve never had any meaningful of support base, I managed to fight through every uncertainty. I am still standing. After all who else is supposed to have my back.
There is no other one like me on this planet. And the same goes for you. Let that sink in.
My life matters. And just in case you feel left out – yours matter too. Or you don’t think so?
Being better won’t happen if you are too busy trying to hide yourself and dimming your light.
So what? You may ask.
Who am I to be brilliant and fabulous? Well, who am I NOT to be. Playing small won’t get me anywhere. There’s nothing great in staying in the dark for insecure people. I am meant for the extraordinary.
When you give yourself the gift of greatness. That greatness is given to the world when you come into contact with others.
I believe that the journey of self-improvement is never-ending. The goal is to enjoy the journey along the way and the small achievements. That’s the beauty about it. Perhaps another reason self–improvement is never-ending is because we are not perfect.
The last few years have been challenging for me. In-spite of that, I’ve been pushing pass my limits. Sometimes I lack consistency. But I never quit.
There’s been so much noise around me these days, and this is testing my limit. It’s time to move. I’ve had enough. The signs are all around me. And I won’t wait further. At the same time, this experience is teaching me a lesson of my lifetime and is a contributor to my personal growth. And it has also taught me quite a few things that I’d share with you in a few moments.
Some of the key components that’s contributing to my personal development.
Stay Away From Negative People And Environment
These kind of people won’t encourage you. The drain you and their negative feedback will affect your perception.
It doesn’t surprise me how negative some people are. The only thing I often wondered about them is what really goes on in their minds. At times you can tell by what they do with their lives.
Make yourself unavailable for meet-ups and conversations. And just a reminder, these people can also be difficult people who are always trying to compete with you, but never seems to be getting anywhere. They lack empathy and compassion. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and listening to these type of people depletes your energy and discourages you.
Don’t become such a disaster that you feel you can’t live without them, especially if they are your family and close friends.
Increase Your Focus
There’s is a saying that says “Early to bed early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” by Benjamin Franklin. Makes me wonder if he was an earlier riser. It can also be the opposite, hence his quote. Who knows. Oh! I just realize Benjamin Franklin was indeed an early riser. Good on him.
To increase your focus you will need to eliminate distractions, get enough sleep and you might even want to include, avoid multi-tasking. Also, consider how much time you dedicate to social media. Additionally, I can also substantiate the fact that exercise is perfect for pumping the brain, thereby enhancing your concentration.
Develop New And Meaningful Habits
Create detail and specific goals and add them to existing habits. Observe them for patterns and clues. This way you set yourself up for success.
We are creatures of habit and when we are accustom to a certain habit, for example, waking up at six in the morning, exercise, shower and have breakfast. Adopting new habits shouldn’t be that difficult. All it takes is your will to accomplished your goal.
You can use existing habits to create positive ones.
Developing new and meaningful habits will increase your quality of life and you will have a lifetime of benefits. Let us say, you are working on a diet and exercising often in order to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Sticking to such a plan will allow you to reap the benefits by increasing your quality of life and and promoting vitality.
Push Pass Your Limits
Your loses, mistakes, failures and every discomfort are all part of your growth. For you to get where you want to go you’ll have to accept the things that makes you uneasy, learn from loses, and find your motivation.
Pushing beyond your limit help to improve your worth because it let you see how tough you are and how you can get through these circumstances given your ability and strength to challenge the things that seems impossible and make you realize your shortcomings and failures and “what others say” are only stepping stones.
Consider what is good and what will work for you. Move away boundaries and use brainstorming techniques to generate ideas. A good old fashion connection or networking are valid. But this is up to you and what makes you comfortable. Don’t be afraid to expose yourself to wider audiences and experience, or be afraid of external opinions.
Distancing yourself is a good step in the right direction to establish the right strategy and visualize what you want to achieve.
This isn’t an overnight action, but a continuous step perhaps each day or every week. Work at your own pace.
All of these are about commitment, time and energy but that’s key to working on yourself. Let your mind and brain work for you. Trying these methods is bound to work for you. Make sure you hold yourself accountable in order to experience satisfaction and see positive results.
Keep in mind that your personal development is your job. It’s nothing magical, it’s commitment. It involves hard work and persistence, and it’s very easy revert to the old way; and it becomes impossible when we overwhelm ourselves with too much at once.
I have spent many years not knowing exactly what I wanted to do? When I said what I wanted to do I’m talking about that thing we all have in side us that burns brighter than the sun, and hidden in all of us. Passion. You hear all the time people talk about what they love doing and spent most of their time on a part from their day job. It can be fishing, painting, dancing, writing or poetry.
What are you passionate about?
I used to wonder whether the things we love and enjoy doing can help us get to know ourselves better and connect with ourselves. I guess there’s only one way to find out. If we only do a thorough search and discover what exactly ignites our soul and minds and intrigues our interest.
That activity we are mesmerize about, and where our energy flows like a gushing stream and brings us to a place of tranquility mindfulness and presence. A place where we can reflect, observe and absorb. Experiences may vary based on one’s talent and interest. Being in this state help us to observe our creativity. We are all creative beings and while many of us immersed ourselves in our “passion” others search for theirs all their life and the rest have no desire to discover. However, there are many thing that can impede on harnessing our passions and fueling self-love.
4 Things that can hinder us from harnessing our creativity/passion
#1 Self-doubt This occurs when we lack confidence or feel we are unable to do the things we want to do. It is our mindset that hinder us from achieving our goals and dreams. So it is with harnessing our creativity. You may think about whether others will like you, support your or love what you do. These are issues we can work and rid ourselves of but the challenges are many. That is not to say it’s unchangeable, but if dealt with can be overcome.
#2 Allowing others to define us People will always try to tell us who they think we are, what we are capable of or who we should be. Don’t let others rip you a part otherwise you will lose parts of yourself and feel as though you can only fit in a particular box. For example, people will tell you what career you should pursue, how good/bad they think you are at something. Your value and identity is in your hands and the opinion of others doesn’t always matter.
#3 Fear We are living beings and we are all familiar with the term. Can you recall a moment in your life when you were unpleasantly face with a situation that is painful or dangerous? How did it made you feel? Fear is a natural part of life and a powerful emotion affecting our mind and body. When I was a child and it was time for me to read that poem I would literally shiver and desperately try to get my name of the nights’ performance list. Thoughts of performing and “what if I erred” stole an exciting event from me. This is how fear can envelope our lives and prevent us from accomplishing anything.
#4 Limiting beliefs The belief about yourself that restricts you in some or many ways. These beliefs prevents us from becoming who we are meant to be. These beliefs are: No one will listen to me, I am not smart enough – these negative perception that dwell in our conscious are rooted in values and beliefs of our friends and relatives not forgetting social construct. Limiting beliefs are the opposition of a wholesome mindset and emerges when you begin to make positive changes in your life.
When I was 19 years old I started attending dance classes. Every time I had to attend I felt as though I was dragging myself – mentally. Although there were others things that I enjoyed doing I wanted desperately to be a part of a group that I can immerse myself in a particular activity. I enjoyed every moment of it but two things kept me from going and eventually I stop. (1) I became anxious about how I might be looking when I’m dancing and (2) what others will say if they were to find out that ‘I’m part of a dance group. For the short time it felt great to be among people who are involved in the same activity as I am. I felt a lot of confidence and grace and positivity. It was as though there isn’t anything I couldn’t accomplish. But all this was short-lived when those negative thoughts got the best of me.
It was not until after many years I re-discover my love for stories and writing and eventually started this blog. I am aware I’m not the greatest out here and although I have not been able to write as often lately I still love doing this. Writing has thought me so many things about myself but more significantly it has given me a lot more confidence to impart my thoughts in a public space. As a result I have grown to cherish this forum because through writing I have gain a lot of self knowledge and self love.
Finding what I love doing and having the courage to share it with others, and not think what they’ll have to say is powerful.
I have learned that being passionate about what you’re doing ignites positive emotion and mindset. It gives a feeling of absolute freedom. Using creativity to cultivate self-love you will find that you’ll understand who you are and your self-worth; and despite the negative that will appear from time to time happiness will always be enough. The things that once seem challenging will become easily acceptable. You’ll develop patience, acceptance and a presence of love and tranquility.
In 25 minutes I turn 45. It’s not scary. I feel an extreme happiness and peace of mind. As a matter of fact this year I also plan to indulge a lot more in screenwriting. There are many story ideas I have written and stored. But I’m also planning to get a foundation in order to hone my screenwriting skills because I know there’ are more things to learn from this industry. I would love to throw more support out here… I will need a lot of support and look forward to writing more often. I’ve had many things on my mind lately, but I’m still. Hope everyone is doing great. Much love.